ICYMI: Olympics Edition

 

 

 

 

 

By John Winn

So the flag has been folded, the athletes have gone home, and the lagers have been thoroughy consumed. London 2012 is officially history. Yet while most of the known world was glued to the screen watching Bolt, well, bolt, Wieber tumble on the balance beam, and a certain American swimmer make his mark in the record books, heads of state died, a prominent author bid adieu to Planet Earth, and a Canadian military official became one of the most notorious spies since Robert Hansen. So without further ado, here is a run down of what should have been the top news stories for that fortnight-yet obvious weren’t.

July 27

John Atta Mills dies.

The economy still sucks.

-NIttany Lions players continue to pretend Jerry Sandusky didn’t touch all those boys the way that FBI Director guy said he did.

-Oh, and some Canadian guy stole a bunch of military secrets and gave them to Russia. The estimated haul is believed to be greater than the US Diplomatic cables Bradley Manning handed over to WikiLeaks, which included information on ongoing covert operations by the US, UK, Australia, Canada and a few other nations. If convicted, Jeffery Paul Delisle could end up spending the rest of his life in prison.

July 28

-Mitt Romney arrives in Israel. Hilarity ensues.

-Syrian Army begins their bitch-slapping of Free Syrian Army rebels in the country’s biggest city Aleppo.  If successful, government forces would effectively quell the rebellion, widely considered one of the bloodiest and most tumultuous conflicts in the Middle East since the Arab Spring began.

Sally Ride died. Oddly enough, the biggest news about this isn’t her death from pancreatic cancer, but her lesbian partner of 27 years, who sadly, is ineligible to receive death benefits–because she is lesbian.

August 2-4

Maeve Binchy died.

Gore Vidal died, which is an even worse shame.

August 8-9

-Some Wall Street bank gets in trouble for laundering hundreds of millions of dollars for the Iranian government. Paging Lisbeth Salander.

August 11

Romney finally selects his VP. The wait is over!

-But wait, there’s more!

Gu Kailai “confesses” to murdering Briton Neil Heywood, who was something of a  international man of mystery himself. The Bo family–including Bo Xilai himself–are thought to have been involved in numerous corrupt business dealings with Westerners in Chongquing, of which Heywood played prominent roles in arranging for the Bos, as they could not do so themselves. Heywood reportedly threatened to  expose the family’s ill-gotten gains during a confrontation with Gu, Xilai’s wife, which may have led to his alleged poisoning by Gu and her orderlies.

Social Media Coordinator (and managing editor) John Winn is Hennen’s Twitterer in Chief.  In addition to writing for Hennen’s, His work has been featured in A Twist of Noir, Lightning Flash, Racket Magazine, and plenty of other online magazines.  He lives in Greensboro, North Carolina.

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