Lingerie and Football

By Alexandria Harris

As Boromir would probably say “One does not call an interception a touchdown. It is folly.”

I couldn’t resist this. 1) because Boromir is only foretelling what is to come 2)  because it’s the Packers  and I have an excuse to talk about Wisconsin. My state can’t stay away from drama–it just follows her. The pri madonna is at it again!

But first, I did promise you that I’d explain what memes were when I showed you the first Packers meme.

If you are not familiar, a meme is basically an image or a video that has the potential to go viral. A common one is to have a picture of a cat and with text, like the following:

You can make memes out of anything and for any reason. Politicians, cartoons, McKayla Maroney’s frown at the Olympics have been fairly popular memes. Possibly my favorite one is of the President and First Lady with hilarious facial expressions.

But this is really about the Packers. 

You’re probably wondering, “Ok Alex, but what does lingerie have to do with football? Get to the point already!”

Hold on grasshopper, we’re almost there.

Anyone who watched NFL Football this week knows about the upset between the Packers and Seahawks. I’m not going to rag on the Seahawks because everyone watching knows it wasn’t their fault.

They were in the wrong place at the wrong time. The real culprits, who are already being burned at the metaphysical stake of media, are the replacement refs.

Wisconsin is in full Hulk-SMASH mode. Seriously, scratch the green and yellow, we’re all just seeing green.

From the alleged $1 billion lost in game bets, to talks of the replacement refs ruining the NFL’s brand, these men in black (and white) have caused quite a stir.

But who are they, where did they come from, and why are they here *ahem* being used in the first place? Typically questions you would ask during an alien invasion.

But while the conspiracy theory of refs being taken over by aliens is wrong, there is something far more sinister at work here.

I almost died laughing when I read it.

Fox News had an article about the origin of these replacement refs. And they didn’t come from a planet far, far away.

No, they came from Planet Lingerie, located right under the earth’s crust. That’s right, there is a Lingerie Football League. I’m not going to go into too much detail (because you either know about it or that link is to the omniscient Wikipedia for your convenience). However, I do feel like these women are like a Powderpuff league on botox about to bust into a rendition of “Oops, I Did It Again.”

The article goes on to say that the LFL fired five to six replacement refs due to poor calls and bad officiating.  Mitch Mortaza, commissioner of the LFL, even threw down the gauntlet at the NFL, saying “At our level, being in our infancy, we appreciate our credibility and the integrity of the game is on the line,” he said. “If we appreciate it, I’m not sure why the NFL can’t appreciate it.”

However, the LFL clearly had a ref takeover also, so our origin story does not start there. Normally referees make about $150,000 a year for their services in the NFL. According to the article, most have full-time jobs on top of that.

The aspect of the dispute that I find interesting is that no one is budging. Yes, there are talks about how the owners are making concessions and want to rapidly bring the lockout to an end. However, I have a feeling that we’re going to be seeing a few more games with the replacement refs.

Safety is a big issue, (I stopped counting how many times poor Aaron Rodgers got sacked) and the question now is will other teams start to take bigger risks just to see what they can get away with? Hopefully, however long the reign of the replacement refs lasts, everyone stays safe.

Or we will cry alien invasion and not be held responsible for our actions in self defense.

Alexandria Harris is a writer and former reporter on WSUM 91.7. When she isn’t watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy on repeat, she tweets regularly as @_ALHarris. Alexandria lives in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.